Tuesday, February 05, 2008


I've spent the past week trying to learn how to do this thing called motherhood. Some parts of it come naturally. Others are being learned through trial and error. And still more is being learned through the advice of friends and family.

My parents are gone. Guy has gone back to work. It's just me and Christopher, and of course the pups during the day. It's quiet, and it's giving me the chance to get to know this little bird of mine. We are doing alright.

Sunday, we had a session with a newborn photographer. Lovely was with us too, so it was perfect timing to get some family shots as well. Thing is, Christopher decided that he would just be hungry or awake the whole time. No sleeping baby shots for us. He also let loose with the most poop I have seen come out of him yet - while he was naked. In my arms. I had handfuls of runny yellow brown poop. And I didn't mind. Amazing.

I didn't understand what people were telling me about just "knowing" how to be his momma. Before he was born, it was blind faither that you all knew what you were talking about, and that once he was here, I would suddenly get it. But you were right. Granted, I learn new things every day. I'm still unsure of a lot of things, but you were right. I do know how to be his mom.

I know when he needs to be picked up. I know that the sound of my voice is going to stop him from crying unless something is hurting him. I know that he much prefers the right boob over the left one. I know that he loves to sleep on either my chest or his daddy's chest, bundled up like a little peanut. I know that he hates to be hot.

Last night, I didn't know how to help him though. He was inconsolable for about two hours. We tried to nurse; we rocked; we walked; we bounced; we took off clothes and put them back on. Finally, we called the doctor. The 24 hour nurse talked me through his day and told me it was most likely his tummy and some wicked gas. She gave us some things to try, and within about 30 minutes, he was asleep. I let him sleep on my chest like a little peanut because I didn't want to risk putting him down and waking him up again.

As he lay there, finally consoled and content, I gently rubbed my face across the top of his head. It's so soft. It smells so good.

What I don't know, I can learn. There are family, friends, nurses, doctors, books, and the web to help provide me with information.

What I do know though, can't be taught. I understand that now. All the preparing I tried to do - all the reading and all the questions - they just won't teach you.

You know how to be a mother right when you become a mother. I get that now.