Monday, December 03, 2012

Nurse nurse

He slips into my room in the middle of the night. Or in the very early morning. Either way you look at it, I'm still in a deep sleep.

I know he is there even though he doesn't make a sound other than his breathing. He stands at the side of my bed and waits for me to lean over the edge, scoop him up under his arms, and lift him into bed with me.

Most nights, he slips into the crook of my arms and falls right back to sleep. A few nights ago, he quietly asked, "Nurse nurse?"

He is almost three. During the day, he couldn't be bothered with nursing. There are bad guys to fight, dogs to chase, costumes to wear, cars to race. He doesn't have time for the "nuh-nuh's." When I put him down for a nap, he usually likes to nurse to sleep. I let him, and then I slip out of his bed and back downstairs to get some work done.

Only, lately, he has been too busy to nap. No nap, no nurse nurse.

So a few nights ago, he asked, I obliged, and we rolled over onto our sides and scooted into position for a little side lying nursing. I barely even woke up. I don't know how long he tried. All I know is that the next thing I hear Colin saying is,

"Mama? I really want for the milk to come out."

Then my heart broke just a little bit.

My last baby. My last nursling. And the end just snuck up on us.

It's alright. I knew it wasn't going to last forever. I've sold the cloth diapers. The crib and the toddler bed are long gone. Cups don't automatically have lids snapped on them before being given over to the small people. Booster seats have replaced convertible car seats.

It's been a long time coming. He's almost three. I love who he has become in his three years. He is smart and funny and I wouldn't trade him in for a newborn for anything.

But, just, ooooph. It's just a little bit hard to be letting him go. My baby.

12 comments:

  1. Another mom of 2 boys9:45 PM

    Oh noooo...I'm dreading it too, though we likely still have a little while to go. It would be lovely to get to almost 3! With my first, I only got to 1.5 as my milk dried up during my pregnancy. Oh well, can't fight nature.
    PS: Glad to still see you post even though Nov is over!

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  2. I feel ya. It will be sad for me when I nurse my last baby for the last time.

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  3. This is so sweet.

    I happily stopped at 16 months with both kids and it was terribly, terribly sad even though it was time for us.

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  4. I'm sad for you (and him)! I don't want to even think about ending and my nursling is only 10 months old. :(

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  5. Oh, so bittersweet. But how lovely that your weaning was completely organic and based on his changing schedule and activity levels. I cut my Colin off from 'mommy milky' the first week of July since was out of town for Digital Family, and knew I would be leaving for BlogHer. He did nurse one final time when he was sick, just days before his official 2.5yr birthday. I do miss it, but I think I will always miss it.

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  6. Aww...these transitions are so bittersweet, aren't they?

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  7. I'm always trying to remember the "last" of lots of events. There are so many things that just move to the past so silently.

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  11. Oof. Of course it has to happen, but it's hard.

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