Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Random much?

Oh, hello. Yes, this is still a blog. No, I haven't forgotten about it. Thanks for asking.

Baby Colin started walking. He also dropped his morning nap. I also gave up Diet Coke (which I'm not even lying is harder than stopping smoking and also harder than not drinking). Point being, I frequently go to sleep before 9:00 now.

I'm freaking exhausted.

It is apparent that I need to quit calling Colin, "Baby Colin," as though Colin is his middle name and Baby his given. He is walking, communicating, eating anything and everything now. He is a full blown toddler.

Which is why this past Tuesday morning, when he did need a bit of a morning nap, instead of putting him down for a nap, I sat on the couch with him. He nursed himself to sleep in my arms, and I held him for the hour, watching him sleep, looking for the little baby he was just a little while ago.

And that - that part up there? Was written a week ago. Clearly blogging is not a priority for me right now. It's funny, because not only have I not been writing, but I haven't been reading either. This morning, I opened up my Google Reader to catch up with everyone, thinking that I would have a million posts to read. Turns out though, most of my bloggy besties have been quiet themselves lately too.

Good for us. Living life in the real world.

The reality of the decision that Kevin and I made to have two children is hitting me hard. I was alright with it. Then I wasn't. Then I was. And wasn't again.

Now, today, I am alright with it. I like our family of five. I like how Colin fits in as the youngest. I like how Christopher gets to be both a little brother and a big brother. I like that soon, we'll be able to take the boys to Mallory's events. I like that soon, they will be old enough to leave for a bit, and I can have some one on one time with Kevin.

Last night though, I took dinner to a new mama in the neighborhood, and I saw the most beautiful, most delicious baby boy ever. I left wondering if he really was THAT perfectly perfect and gorgeous, or if it was just the baby bug getting me. I'm pretty sure he was really just that beautiful. I ached a little, thinking about the "never again."

I just have to keep reminding myself that it's nine months of pregnancy, a few hours of labor and delivery, and then it's a lifetime.

I think that I have enough children to keep my lifetime occupied. It's just hard thinking about being done.

That makes no sense. I'm well aware. I'm afraid you'll have to look for logic elsewhere today.

Happy 5th blogoversary to Bon at Crib Chronicles. Hers was one of the first blogs I started reading when I got started five years ago. Her writing is beautiful. Stunning really. You should go by for a visit.