Thursday, June 02, 2011

Thursday: The New Monday

6:00 AM Awaken to sound of Christopher galloping down the hallway.

6:02 AM Try to shoo Christopher back down the hallway.
6:03 AM Curse Kevin for moving into Mallory's room to sleep last night.
6:04 AM Plot how to get to sleep in ever again.
6:05 AM Colin wakes up, kisses me. Everything's better.
6:06 AM Group potty time.
6:10 AM The first time Christopher asks to watch TV.
6:11 AM The second time Christopher asks to watch TV.
6:15 AM I turn on the TV and let the dogs out.
6:16 AM Christopher asks for milk.
6:16:30 AM Christopher asks for a vitamin.
6:17 AM Christopher asks for Skittles for pooping on the potty.
Christopher remembers that he didn't poop on the potty.
Christopher asks to go poop on the potty.
6:21 AM Christopher asks for Skittles.
6:30 AM I make coffee, take Zoloft, bring the dogs in and give them water.
6:32 AM Christopher asks for more milk and can he PLEASE have some Skittles.
6:35 AM Colin asks for breakfast by screaming and banging his head into the refrigerator.
6:36 AM I feed Colin to avoid further head injuries.
6:50 AM Christopher asks for Skittles.
6:59 AM Christopher gets blueberry waffles and apples.
7:00 AM Christopher asks for more milk, more TV, and Skittles.
7: 54 AM Kevin wakes up.
8:05 AM I offer to iron his shirt because I am the best wife in the entire world.
8:25 AM Kevin leaves for work and Colin cries.
9:00 AM Colin pretends he needs a nap, says night night, gets me to rock and nurse him upstairs and then proceeds to honk my nose and laugh.
9:03 AM Colin and I come back downstairs.
9:05 AM Colin asks to play Don't Break the Ice by screaming and pointing.
9:06 AM I set up Don't Break the Ice. Colin smashes it down.
9:07 AM I set up Don't Break the Ice. Colin smashes it down.
9:08 AM I set up Don't Break the Ice. Colin smashes it down.
9:09 AM I set up Don't Break the Ice. Colin smashes it down.
9:10 AM I set up Don't Break the Ice. Colin smashes it down.
9:11 AM I bail.
9:12 AM gDiaper surgery begins. New velcro for all.
9:13 AM Colin decides that Mama shant be sewing today. Not even gDiapers.
9:14 AM I set up Don't Break the Ice. Colin smashes it down.
9:15 AM CARS. CARS. CARS. Thank God for cars. Cars that make distracting noise.
9:16 AM I hide Don't Break the Ice.
9: 40 AM Christopher does three laps around the downstairs while yelling, "I have to pee pee!"
9:42 AM I ask if he washed his hands. No, he did not.
10:00 AM Snack.
10:10 AM Boys figure out that I'm snacking and demand to be fed as well.
10:16 AM I learn that Christopher has learned to use the remote control himself.
10:17 AM We all watch Sesame Street. It's educational. U was the letter of the day.
10:24 AM I get dressed. An actual dress. And some makeup. Go me.
11:00 AM We all head to Whole Foods to do our grocery shopping.
11:10 AM I accidentally buy $17 worth of bulk pine nuts because I didn't stop the pourer thing soon enough.
11:11 AM I think fondly of Uncle Dave and shudder at what $17 of bulk pine nuts would do to him.
11:45 AM Check out with groceries. Marvel at the amount of money spent.
11:50 AM Load up the Jeep with yummy food and hungry children.
11:51 AM Turn key. Stick face in AC. Put Jeep in reverse. Wonder why the engine is just revving. Sweat.
11:52 AM Turn Jeep off. Pretend that didn't just happen. Sit.
11:53 AM Turn key. Stick face in AC. Put Jeep in reverse. Curse loudly. Turn Jeep off.
11:54 AM Call and cancel piano tuner appointment for Noon.
11:55 AM Turn key. Stick face in AC. Put Jeep in reverse. Curse again. Turn Jeep off.
11:56 AM Retrieve buggy from buggy corral. Reload groceries. Reload hungry and hot boys.
11:57 AM Request that my buggy be rolled into a cooler somewhere.
11:58 AM High fived myself for having USAA Roadside Assistance programmed into my cell phone.
12:00 PM Bought juice and sat down in the cafe to start trying to get home.
12:10 PM Gain appropriate sympathy from USAA representative.
12:20 PM Begin cleaning up juice off the table and floor. Glare at mean old lady next to us. She has NO idea what kind of day I'm having. So shut up.
12:21 PM Begin chasing my barefoot, juice covered child through the cafe.
12:22 PM Drag screaming juice covered toddler back to table. Sit him next to mean old lady.
12:23 PM Consider having a drink. Decide against it.
12:30 PM Call Jeep dealer to let them know the car is coming.
12:33 PM Call Enterprise for a ride and a car.
12:50 PM Secure transportation and resume chasing juice covered children.
1:00 PM Potty break.
1:10 PM Tour of the Whole Foods grounds.
1:20 PM Cry with no tears because I have sweated them all out.
1:30 PM Return to cafe upon realizing that children have not eaten.
1:40 PM Sit down with $8.50 worth of yogurt and berries from the salad bar.
1:41 PM Enterprise shows up.
1:42 PM Still no lunch for the kiddos.
1:43 PM Stash children in the cargo part of the minivan rental and begin car seat removal.
1:45 PM Cursing abounds.
1:55 PM Car seats are removed.
1:56 PM Begin car seat installation into rental minivan.
1:57 PM More cursing.
2:15 PM Car seats installed, children strapped in.
2:16 PM Colin falls asleep.
2:19 PM Enterprise dude takes a left turn and Christopher's seat goes flying.
2:20 PM Most cursing all day takes place. Along with, "PULL OVER NOW" many times.
2:21 PM I discover that Enterprise dude had not attached the right hand side latch. I kick myself for not checking. Christopher is fine, but pissed.
2:22 PM Christopher says, "Man, you should not drive so fast, Man."
2:23 PM Christopher falls asleep.
2:30 PM Hurry up and wait at the Enterprise place.
2:50 PM We get gas. I get a ginormous Diet Coke and a Milky Way to counteract the million hours I just spent at Whole Foods.
3:00 PM Return to Whole Foods to leave key in Jeep (forgotten earlier) and to retrieve groceries from the cooler.
3:15 PM Load groceries (again). Leave Whole Foods (again). Head home.
3:16 PM Both boys wake up.
3:26 PM Home. Discover that Christopher wasn't kidding the last time he said he had to pee pee.
3:27 PM Begin trying to figure out how to take the cover off the car seat to wash it.
3:28 PM Cursing revisited.
3:30 PM Try to get the boys to eat something. Lose that battle.
3:40 PM Collapse on couch in a heap together. Watch TV. Lots of TV.
5:30 PM Get ready for soccer.
6:00 PM Soccer.
6:01 PM Chase Colin continuously for 45 minutes.
7:14 PM Peanut butter sandwiches, bananas, carrots, and yogurt for dinner.
7:50 PM Baths.
8:00 PM Jammies. Bed. Thank God.
8:05 PM Colin is crying.
8:06 PM I stroke his head and get him to lay back down only to discover that he's laying in a giant puddle of his own vomit.
8:07 PM Gag and dry heave.
8:10 PM Bath, take two.
8:30 PM Bed, take two.
8:34 PM Talk on the phone to a boot camp guy. Decide to try it out. Am insane.
9:00 PM Start dinner for the adults.
9:30 PM Eat dinner.
10:00 PM Colin cries.
10:03 PM Thankfully, no vomit.
10:20 PM Crawl in bed. Blog.
10:58 PM Finish blog. Sleep.