Thursday, July 13, 2006

My mother will start again tomorrow. Chemo. 8:00 AM Pacific time.

She will be on a 3 week cycle. Week one, she will have two drugs, taxotere and gemzar. Week two, she will just have the gemzar. Week three, she gets to recover some.

And then she will start again.

Neither of these drugs list ovarian cancer on their website as something they treat. Both state that they can be used for metastatic breast cancer. I don't understand that, but I guess that's alright.

There will be no surgery. She was given the false hope of actual tumors that could be removed with surgery. That turns out to not be true. She thinks I've given up on her just because I never believed the surgery option. That is also not true.

My daddy is supposed to have a cat scan on Friday as well. I don't know how they will arrange transportation for both of them, but they have not asked me to come.

Momma insists that there is something else wrong with my father besides Parkinson's. I disagree. His weight has dropped to 127 pounds. He is 6'1". I can barely understand him on the phone anymore because he does not have adequate control of his facial muscles. She has disregarded the diagnosis of Parkinson's with Lewy Body disorder, so I'm not sure of what else she is looking for. It's quite enough.

I don't know which disease is more cruel. If I had to choose, I would say that it's the Parkinson's. Cancer comes and goes until one day, you know it is going to kill you. There are means to fight it and ways to stave it off. It will most likely kill you one day, but there is at least "the good fight." Parkinson's has eaten way tiny pieces of my daddy until there is nothing left but this shell of a man who used to be my foundation. There is no fight. There are drugs that "slow the progression." Unfortunately, if you are diagnosed so late like I believe Daddy was, there is no slowing things down.

And once again, I am left sitting here wondering, "Which one is going to go first?"

I pray that it is Daddy.