I'm still no scrooge, but . . .

I have a confession to make.

I'm not really in the Christmas spirit. I know. I'm supposed to be the jolliest elf of them all with my trees, my Santas, the celebration of each day of Advent, the baking, the wrapping, the Little People Nativity every day. I'm supposed to be the annoying holiday neighbor.

But I'm just not. I haven't been playing much Christmas music. I've baked one batch of cookies. The outside of the house isn't decorated because the yard is so destroyed and nasty right now - I just don't feel like calling even more attention to with lights in the dogwood and the adorable animated elephant I bought last year.

I'm so tired. The thought of baking everything I usually bake makes me want to cry. It's just not going to happen. My poor lingering two students came and went today without even a card from me. That's never happened before.

I didn't mail our Christmas cards until today. They've never been that late before. I think it's fine - except for the one headed to Sweden.

Kevin asked me to not cook for Christmas. This usually would have insulted me greatly, but this year I was actually relieved. I'm probably going to buy the pirogi from The Fresh Market and spend the energy I would have used making them to hunt down some decent pickled herring. That card that is going to Sweden? Is going to the woman who made me a pickled herring fan. It was really awesome, but she's not here anymore. I just cannot go back to the jar from Costco.

Christmas day, Papa is going to cook a ham. I'll do some cheese grits, but other than that, nothing special. Some fruit. Some pastries, that I'll buy. It's all just too tiring.

This is so not like me. I love the holidays and all of the busyness that comes with them. I love the baking and the shopping and the wrapping and the getting to everything at church that happens. But between Little Bird being sick all of last week and how absolutely miserable I feel now, I just can't live up to my own expectations.

So I guess I'll just have to lower them a little. That will be alright for this year.