Monday, November 08, 2010

Day 8 - Someone who has made your life hell, or treated you like shit - 30 days of truth

Oh boy. I could open up a can of worms here if I wanted to, but that's probably not for the best. Besides, even if I were to talk about the stalking, name calling, and eventual restraining order, in the end, I can't claim that she's made my life hell, because in order for that to be true, she has to matter to me, and that just isn't true.

I could also talk about Day 4 again, but I think I made my point then.

It's sad when you have so many options to choose from here.

Really though, I'm having a hard time choosing because I'm at a point in my life that when I think about these people, I'm just sort of, well, meh. It doesn't matter anymore.

However, I'll tell some just for the sake of telling.

There was a woman on a mom's board who liked to play the "I've had more miscarriages than you" game. She was looney and inconsequential, but when you're bleeding out what you hoped was going to be your second child, it sucks to be treated like that.

There were a couple of girls in my seventh grade carpool who were so mean to me that they shaped the rest of my junior high career. They helped me develop my caustic wit and thick armor, keeping out any prospects of friends, save a few brave souls.

There was the boyfriend who went off to college and told my brother to let me know he was breaking up with me. Harsh.

There was the boss who fired me 30 minutes before I had to go to the funeral of one of my students.

There was the high school teacher who - well, let's just not go into that one. It's just yuck.

The bottom line I guess, is that I finally have a strong partner and a circle of friends who support me and help me feel safe. I have friends who take me to dinner when I need to talk. I have friends who bring their families to celebrate a baptism with me. I have friends who I trust to take care of my children.

I have a partner who will back me up, defend me, and love me.

Once, a former bandmate wrote my ex-husband a letter. We had been in North Carolina a few months, and this douche wrote a letter to my husband telling him that he was sorry they couldn't be friends anymore since he had married me, and went on to pontificate about what a horrible person I was. Or something like that. It doesn't matter what he said. What matters is that I felt like my ex should have stood up for me. I felt like he should have defended me, and he didn't.

I had never felt more alone than I did that day. Less because of the letter and more because I wasn't worth defending.

Things have changed. So go ahead, treat me like shit. I've got people now. People who have my back.

This is part of the 30 Days of Truth series. You can find the entire list here.