Apparently, I have needed a hiatus. I didn't know I needed a hiatus, but it's been a little over two weeks since I wrote anything, and I haven't opened my Google Reader in over a month.
I'm just a little stabby.
Random things get to me. Things that don't have anything to do with me, and yet I find myself ticked off at them. A friend warned me that it would happen. Life goes on around you, and all of the sudden, you find yourself mad because none of their crap matters. Oh, your car broke? Fine. My daddy died. Oh, your house won't sell? Fine. My daddy died. Oh, your cat has cancer? Fine. So does my mother and my best friend AND MY DAD DIED. So shut up.
See? Totally ridiculous. And yet, I find it bubbling up randomly.
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Colin still isn't walking. He can, he just doesn't. It's fine by me. He'll do it when he is ready. In the meantime, he is busying himself by climbing up and down the stairs faster than Christopher does.
He also climbs up onto their little Ikea table. Giving him a place to stand, raise his imaginary stick and ROAR at the bad guys on Scooby Doo.
And into chairs. Enabling him to reach anything and everything that I have moved out of a less monkey like 14 month old.
And onto riding toys. Flinging himself down the driveway as fast as he possibly can, with a wild eyed grin on his face - one that stares back into my terrified gaze and says, "Get out of the way, Mom."
Colin still isn't talking either. He can, he just doesn't. He likes to point and scream. He also likes to mimic whatever you say so distinctively, it's creepy. Like whole sentences back to you. I've never heard a baby do that before, and it's kind of bizarre.
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Barney has infiltrated our home. It's my own fault. And the fault of Netflix. I regret it already.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Monday, Monday
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If you are local, I would love for you to come see Bill Leslie and Lorica in concert this Saturday night. We'll be at the Performing Arts Center at Johnston County Community College. Tickets are $17 in advance and $20 at the door. You can find out more about it here: Bill Leslie and Lorica concert information.
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Welcome back. Take a breath. Dive in. We're here.
ReplyDeleteReally, really, really sorry about the Barney infiltration. If it helps to distract, I also found Fraggle Rock and The Muppets Take Manhattan on watch-instantly.
ReplyDeleteAs for the rest, Colin rocks. And you're more than welcome to be crabby over here at my diet-coke-free house.
Glad to have you back. No worries about the stabby-ness.
ReplyDeleteRemember Megan's post about the Hierarchy of Suffering and the comments therein? http://www.velveteenmind.com/velveteenmind/2007/10/hierarchy.html
ReplyDeleteEverybody suffers. Everyone has suffered loss to some degree at some time in their lives. Everyone has hurt. It's just not all at the same time.
Your loss is real, and raw, and new, and it hurts, and it will continue to hurt. But it doesn't make anyone else's worries less real to them. and while that seems unbearable now, I think it's true.
I've learned something this year, and that's that after we're gone only two things remain: what we have managed to create, and how we have touched other people's lives.
Your daddy has touched other people's lives. His life *mattered* to the people he worked with, to Covenant, to the people in California, and to so many more. His life *mattered* to your Momma, and you, and Tommy, and all his grandchildren. His words and deeds and kind sentiments live on as you all remember him and let that affect your actions.
And don't worry about me. I'm at peace with where we are right now, and I'm making the most of each day I have, because we're entering the third spring that I never thought would come. It's a beautiful spring.
You are so right, Sus. Everyone's suffering is real and valid - that's why I'm having a hard time feeling this way. I've preached about it so much before, and yet here I am doing it.
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