I am not her mother.
She is my sons' sister. She is my husband's daughter. I cannot claim her.
I am not her mother.
She is her own person. She is smart. She is talented. She is kind. I passed no genes to her.
I am not her mother, but she is my daughter.
A child of my heart. I love her with the love I have for her brothers. When she leaves, I feel part of our family slipping away, leaving a huge hole where she belongs. When she is here, I curse her teachers for giving her so much homework that she can't spend time with me in the evenings, and I simultaneously burst with pride that she is so conscious of her work on her own.
So I take her M'n'M's to munch on while she studies. I make her a sandwich to take for lunch. I try to remember to get her brothers' things out of her bathroom and make sure they stay out of her room.
It's not much. I'm sure she doesn't know how much I love her. I'm positive she doesn't know how much I'm going to miss her when she goes to college in a little over a year.
I've kept my distance. It is so important that she have a good relationship with her mother. A child needs that. I want her to always have that.
But can it be time for her to know that we are also parent and child? Stepmama and stepdaughter. Family. Friends.
Before she is gone, I want her to know that she can always come back. We will always be here for her, waiting for hugs, playdoh, coloring, TV marathons, family movie nights, and brownie baking.
I want her to know that I love her, and that even though I am not her mother, she is my daughter. My only, quite perfect, daughter.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Mother Daughter
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sweet.
ReplyDeleteThis is so beautiful Marty!
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful. She should read this.
ReplyDelete*crying* damn, you
ReplyDeleteThis is so beautiful, Marty. I think you should print this out for her.
ReplyDeleteI love this. The more people who love a child, the better.
ReplyDelete"...even though I am not her mother, she is my daughter."
ReplyDeleteBreathtaking simplicity.
"Do you remember the first time a book took your breath away? The first time you disappeared between the covers of one of the Little House on the Prairie books, a Madeline L’Engle fantasy, or even Harriet the Spy, and you said YES, THIS. This is what I’ve been trying to say. These are my words and my soul. These are my people. This is where I fit in. These are the people that make me feel closer to all people. These are the words (or images, or sounds) that feed my soul, and make me a better person. Ever feel that way? And when the words come to an end, the last few pages disappear, and the notes crescendo, you are at once deeply satisfied and deeply disappointed that there is no more?"
Toddler Planet
Somehow friend, I'm sure she knows. She'll realize it more and more as she grows. You being there will have mattered. It will always matter.
ReplyDeleteMy step-dad has been around since I was eight. He was always there and yet...he didn't interfere. He figured we had enough parents to contend with already. Here's the thing though, he made more of an impact on me than I could even begin to tell you. We're friends at this point. He still doesn't parent, but he's always there when I need him.
I agree with Cindy...print this for her. Put it in a card on her pillow.
So wonderful-- a perfect post.
ReplyDeleteI swear, no-one knows how much they are loved until they have children of their own... whether they are carried and born by the parent, adopted, fostered, "blended"... There are so many ways to make family!!
I'm sure she must feel your love now. But, she will understand how profoundly you feel about her when she is raising her own little people someday.
It's not the fairytale "I love you" moments that motherhood is about... Real mothering is about day-to-day living: packed lunches and laundry and did-you-brush-your-teeth and hurry-so-you-don't-miss-that-bus... You know. Because, it's everything you are doing for her now. It may not feel like enough, but it's MORE than enough. With m&ms on top!!
You know what else?
I bet she feels just the same way about you.
xoxo CGF