Wednesday, November 28, 2012

That last glass

I'm petering out on the whole posting everyday in November. It's just not in me anymore. There is plenty I have spinning around in my head, but not really much I want to put here.

Mainly, I keep thinking about anniversaries. December marks a lot of anniversaries, most of which I'm not terribly excited about.

My last hug from Susan.

My first miscarriage.

The death of my grandmother.

Then there's Christmas. YAY! Happy times. Happy times.

I don't know. It's not as bad as I make it sound here. We have three trees up (so far), my mantle is done, my grandparent's Nativity is out for the first time in years. I'm getting it on with the holiday decor - which didn't happen last year.

I was a little distracted.

Maybe I'll always be a little distracted at Christmas time and just learn how to focus in spite of it.

There are stories that I want to write - moments that I want to put down on paper - of that last weekend I was able to spend with Susan. It's just not for the blog.

When I do that though - have things that consume my thoughts - it's hard to write anything else.

There is one other December anniversary that I don't talk about much. It is an anniversary that I wouldn't have made without Susan. One that I'm surprised I'm still celebrating now that she's gone.

My last drink.

It was a glass of prosecco, in case you are wondering. At Gravy on Wilmington Street. Don't remember what I ate or what I wore, but I remember that glass of beautiful bubbly.

Cheers, y'all. The holidays are coming. Whether you damn well like it or not.

5 comments:

  1. Another Mom of 2 boys11:55 PM

    Congrats on that last drink!! That is an anniversary to cherish and celebrate forever. I am sure Susan would expect nothing less. I am in my late 30s and haven't had my first. Seriously. You can guess why...

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  2. I love you so much. I wish this month were easier for you.

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  3. Dear one, Hang in there. One minute, one hour, one day at a time, right ?

    I hope you will write down, for yourself, those memories of your last time with Susan. Several of us remembered her last night on FB because the moon and Jupiter were so clear in our Eastern sky.

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  4. "...whether you damn well like it or not."

    I feel pretty much the same, exactly.

    Love to you-- xoxo CGF

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  5. I was very moved by this. I saw I left this post open in my browser, because I'd meant to comment. Sometimes it's hard to find the right words to say "I read, I appreciated."

    Anyhow, I read and I appreciated.

    Also, December is a bittersweet time for me, too. I'm realizing that today is the anniversary of my grandmother's death. It's been 16 years now, and I still miss her. Especially at Christmas time.

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