Up for interpretation

There is this dream that I keep having lately. It has various details, but some of the basics are the same. The one I remember most vividly starts out with me going into labor at home.

When Guy arrives home, he isn't the Guy I know, but instead, he is a large Hispanic man who works as a janitor. It is still Guy, but it isn't. And I can't understand a word he says because all he speaks is Spanish.

From there, I wake up in the hospital to find that I had already had the baby. He looks like a blond haired, blue eyed Cabbage Patch doll and never blinks. He won't have anything to do with breastfeeding.

I can't remember any of the birth. When I ask Guy about it, he just continues to speak Spanish to me. Then, I realize that we had forgotten to call the doula when I went into labor. There is no one to tell me about my labor and delivery. When I get up from the bed, I find that I have an incision across the bottom of my belly that was most certainly from a c-section, but everyone insists that I didn't have one.

Things are a little sketchy after we leave the hospital. We have some errands to run, and I don't know what happened to the baby. All I know is that I thought I kept losing him, but it always turned out that someone else was just taking care of him for me. Whenever I tried to get him back, they would turn me away telling me that they had it covered and I should just go on and get done what I needed to get done. I just wanted them to give him back to me.

That's it. The recurring dream. I don't think it's hard to interpret.

I obviously have some anxiety that I haven't consciously worked through. Then again, I don't feel anxious during the day. I feel excited. I guess I should spend a little time though, on the glaringly obvious fears I still have.

It's probably very wrong to be amused at myself for being so ridiculous and for having such transparent dreams. Makes me feel quite silly.

I'm officially ready for him to be here so I can start worrying about him in person. Face to face.