Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Open letter to my bee-hind

To My Dwindling Posterior:


While I appreciate your willingness to return to pre-baby size and shape, I would like to remind you that you were serving a very important purpose in your inflated state.

Holding up my pants.

For whatever reason, the only weight I have been able to lose after giving birth 8 MONTHS AGO is weight that you delighted in gaining. Finally, there was actually some shamoopie-booty for Kevin to slap as he walked past me in the kitchen. Finally, I didn't have to pull at my waistbands incessantly. Finally, I would not feel left out when the song "Baby Got Back" was played. 

But you just don't care. You can't wait your turn and let the belly take a vacation. Noooooo, you have to go ahead and ditch out all by yourself. You know, you could have taken a little of the back fat with you for company. Even that would have been nice.

Instead, you have vacated the premises, leaving me with a disproportionate figure and a perpetual plumber's crack. Thanks a lot.

Sincerely,
Flatty Bottomous

2 comments:

  1. Belts. Belts are your friend.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey, mine still didn't get big when I was pregnant even. I will always have the flattest ass in history.

    Maybe our butts are hanging out somewhere together and having a party without us?

    ReplyDelete