Dear Person Who Randomly Unfriended Me,
I blocked you. Because I always thought you were weird anyway, and now that I don't have to pretend to like you, I would prefer to just not ever bump into you. Plus, it was a nice passive strike back at you for unfriending me for no reason.
Love,
me
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Dear Person Who I Used to Think Was My Best Friend,
I blocked you too. I don't care to see who of my real friends you keep in touch with. I don't care to see your ridiculously private profile page where you can't even send a friend request. I hate to tell you this, but I'm pretty sure there aren't that many people looking for you, that you have to fly under the Facebook radar like you try to do.
I was surprised to see you pop up on my friend's page. I admit, I clicked over to see who else you were friends with - which of course you have hidden.
Then, I remembered that I was a whole lot happier when you had stopped existing in my life. Remember? That was what you didn't like about me at the end. That I "wasn't sad enough." That I was HAPPIER. Weirdo.
Love,
me
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Dear Former Roommate,
I blocked you too. Because you married that crazy one in the previous letter.
Love,
me
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Dear Former Bandmate,
I blocked you too. I'm pretty sure I didn't need to since you never returned my phone calls or emails after the divorce. But now I don't have to bump into you on anyone else's page and wonder what in the hell happened to your hair.
Love,
me
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Dear Wife of Former Bandmate,
I randomly blocked you because I stumbled upon you and never really liked you anyway.
Love,
me
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Dear Person My Husband Used to be Married To,
I blocked you, actually awhile ago. Not because I need to hide from you, because I'm well aware that you can log into your daughter's account and see me that way, but because it means I don't have to see you. And that always makes for a better day.
Love,
me
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Dear Person I Used to Be Married To,
I blocked you. And out of all the people I blocked last night, this decision was the one that wasn't spiteful. It was just a little too awkward to watch you interacting with one of my best friends. It felt like I was eavesdropping or spying or something. And of course, because it's Facebook and one can't help ones self, I clicked over to your profile to see who else we had as mutual friends, and bammo. You have NO privacy settings at all.
Well, that was just odd. And I didn't feel right knowing that I could pop in on you whenever and see what was up. It's not that I would or want to - it just felt invasive that I could.
So, I blocked you. Now, you don't have to listen in on my conversations with our friend, and I don't have to see yours. Not spiteful, just comfortable.
Love,
me
