Do it

It feels like the interwebs are telling you goodbye. I hate it. Selfishly, I hate all of the virtual hugs and kisses and last words of how amazing you are. It's making my heart explode with the hot air from the screaming I'm holding inside. The screams that I choke back every time my mouth opens.

STOP. I will not do it. I will not say goodbye. Not here. Not online. NOT NOW.

You made me promise you to never tell you that it was "alright to let go." At the time, I felt like that was unfair and one of the hardest things you could ask of me. To see you suffer, to see you in pain, to know that you are hurting so - to ask you to hold on, to demand that you try something else, to know that I was telling you the right thing to do was keep living.

It was almost too much.

But it wasn't. It isn't. And I get it now.

You will never stop living. No matter what pain you are in, you will continue to live. Until you don't.

There is no battle or fight. There is only life. Your life will in all likelihood be shorter than mine. I don't want it to be, but it is what it is. You are not losing though. You are not giving up. You are living, and I will never tell you to do anything but that.

I get it now.

So I tell you publicly what I have been telling you privately for five years now, "Keep living. As long as God gives you breath and life, keep living."