Remembering

Christmas has come and gone. Usually I'm able to hold onto the holiday spirit at least until New Year's Day, but this year, it's just left the building. Don't get me wrong, the trees are still up and the music is still playing, but the glee just isn't lingering in the air like it usually does.

Could have floated away when Lovely and Papa left on Christmas afternoon.

It could have been blown out the window when I realized that we have less than a month until Little Bird is due.

Or it could be that I'm not headed to see my Bro this year. It's only the second Christmas that I have ever spent without him. That bums me out completely.

However, I am not only too far along in this pregnancy to travel 12 hours by car, I have also vowed not to return to Jackson until this baby is born. No more visiting Jackson hospitals for me, thank you very much.

You see, tomorrow marks a year ago that we lost Cleatus. I mentioned it to Guy, that tomorrow was the day, and he corrected me.

He said, "Tomorrow is a year from the day. It's not the same day."

That is so true. Tomorrow is a completely different day.

But I remember last year. And my momma remembers. And Bach remembers him as my little star. And that makes me feel better. That it's not just me remembering.

So I'm reposting, starting tomorrow. Just the ones from a year ago. Not because it's the same now, but because this year I need to remember. This year, I need to love both babies tomorrow. Both babies that I can't hold. One that I will never hold, and one that I just can't hold yet.