Here's the can and there are worms everywhere

I have always read mommyblogs. The first two that I started reading were Kristen and Zoot. From there, I just followed links and made my way through the mommyblogosphere finding other blogs that I liked as well.

I wasn't a mommy then. I wasn't even pregnant.

After several months of blogging for me, my friend Bach, and Susan, I did get pregnant. Somewhere along the lines, other people started reading here, and when I had my miscarriage, out came the comments of support from people I didn't even know were there. I soon discovered sitemeter and technorati and the fact that there is a whole community of bloggers who can become your friends.

Now that I am a mommy, I find myself at a loss for words in this space. I've talked extensively about breastfeeding, and it was extremely helpful to have everyone supporting me through that. I wouldn't still be nursing today without it.

But really, I don't know what else to say anymore. I'm not sure I can find my voice as a blogger who has become a mommy. I'm not sure that my voice as just me can speak freely either.

There is a problem. Lovely's mother reads these words and then plays Spanish Inquisition with her about the bits and pieces she learns here. That is completely unfair to Lovely. I try to not let the knowledge that Guy's Ex comes here factor into my writing, but of course I do put a censor on some things because of it. Now that a simple post about house hunting caused Lovely pain upon returning to her mom's house, I question whether or not even having the blog is worth it.

Of course, the Ex claims not to read it. She claims not to be here. So I'm banking on the fact that if she really wants for her daughter to believe that, she won't hold this post against Lovely and be angry for her telling us that she is tired of getting yelled at and having questions about us fired at her. Because if she does, then Lovely will know that she is lying when she tells her she doesn't read my words.

It's hard to know what to do.

I don't want to keep up a boring blog just to have it simply exist.

I don't want to give Guy's ex-wife information to hold against her daughter.

I don't want to quit writing though.

By the way, while I'm outing the Ex, I should mention that she prefers to go by "Wife #1" which is okay with me. I would much rather be Guy's second and last wife than the first wife anyway. Out of respect to her wishes, I'll stop calling her the Ex and make the polite switch to Wife #1. That should make her somewhat happy.

Edited to add:
Please don't leave disparaging comments about Wife #1 since this isn't her space and she can't really defend herself here except through leaving a comment. I don't want it to turn into a comment war. Besides, I know what you cats are capable of with your words. Hissssss.