Love for my girlz. All 2 or 3 or possibly 4 of them.

I don't think that self esteem and confidence are the same thing.

Take me in front of a large group, for instance. I have the confidence to stand up before it, speak my mind, field questions, debate issues, or simply represent a cause. I have the confidence to play and sing in front of 10,000 people or with a television camera swooping down on a boom arm inches from my face. I don't lack confidence. I know that people listen to me when I am behind a microphone.

Take me in a large group, however, and not in front of said group, and I become one of the masses. And I know that I am far less interesting and far less worthy of your attention than anyone else in that group.

So why on earth would you want to talk to me?

Well, I usually think that you don't. Therefore, I don't bother you. And I look like a stuck up ass. And I usually don't care. Because you don't want to talk to me anyway. It's a vicious cycle.

Over the years, I have actually practiced working a room and learning how to small talk. I hate it. I would much rather sit down and have a heart to heart with you than chit chat across a bar table any day. But small talk is necessary if you are going to attend social events, so I try.

My strategy is to get people to talk as much about themselves as possible. When they stop talking about themselves, I ask another question. That way, I'm not boring you with me, and you enjoy talking to me, because most people like talking about themselves.

What happens though, is you leave our speed date of small talk feeling good about yourself and not remembering one thing about me. Because I have told you nothing.

This probably explains why I have heard from multiple bloggers about how they wish they could have met me at Blogher, and maybe they can next year. Each of these bloggers are women that I did meet. It is not their fault. I am really that unmemorable in a social setting.

It's alright though. That's where the confidence comes in. Even though I don't believe myself to be someone that most people would enjoy hanging out with, I know that I do a lot of things well. I know that I am a fiercely loyal friend. I know that I am a good musician. I know that I can make a kick ass pound cake and some jump off a cliff for them biscuits (thank you, Momma). I have confidence.

Maybe that's why Blogher didn't really bother me that much. I'm used to having friends without having a crowd. I'm used to being forgotten soon after being met. And I'm used to relying on my own confidence to quickly heal what wounds might occur when I realize that someone doesn't really want to be my friend after all.

These ladies got it right. It was like high school. It was also like being out at a bar for 3 straight days. It was like a sorority party.

There are positives to that though. The relationships that last out of those experiences are invaluable. No matter how hard and not fun the rest of the experience was . . .

In junior high, I met my BFF and we made it out alive together.

In high school, I hooked up with Shelster, and she made all four torturous years worth it.

And in college, I met T, who keeps me grounded and in style to this very day.

Just remember this. The head cheerleader probably married the quarterback and looks back on high school as the best years of her life. I think that is sad.

The bloggers who didn't see anyone standing alone at Blogher weren't looking at you and me. I think they were looking at the lens of a camera, waiting to make the next shot be the one that remembered the actual event as the best part of Blogher. Maybe they were just waiting to come home and write a snarky piece that looks down on anyone who admitted that a huge group of women is sometimes a lonely place to be. I don't know. I didn't look at them long either. I didn't need to.

In all honesty, I loved Blogher. And even better, the best part of Blogher is yet to come I believe. It is the part where I find that I have forged real friendships that will continue on past the posts of parties and pictures. A handful of women who I plan on tucking in my heart for good. Accomplished with no late night parties and about 7 crappy pictures taken on my cell phone.

And that. Is all I have left to say about Blogher. Love to my girlz.