What aren't you telling me?

I'm a little behind in the baby making game. As a first time mom, I'll be delivering Bird just a few weeks before my 35th birthday if all goes well. Not quite AMA, but pushing it. Considering the fact that I would like to do this again, we are really pushing it.

I say that, but then there is my amazing sister-in-law. She is the queen of pregnant women. She is that woman who glows during pregnancy, looks great in maternity clothes, and smiles at the camera during labor. I am in awe of her, and she has done beautifully with being an AMA mommy here recently.

Although I won't disclose her age here because I'm too lazy to pick up the phone and ask if it's okay, I will disclose how many kidlets she and my Bro have. They have four. And one on the way. And no, I don't want to hear any jokes about "Do they know what causes that?" because they make really terrific kidlets. Smart ones too.

Number five is due in November, and will most likely be their last. And apparently, I have been the absent and oblivious aunt because they have not scared me. I cannot think of one story to tell you that would make you shudder at the prospect of motherhood.

At this point, it is appropriate to point out that they have obviously been shielding me.

I want to know. I want the truth. After reading about Jessica's precious angel flinging poo onto the floor of Toys 'r' Us, and Jennifer pointing out a downside to toddler independence, I'm starting to wonder. Well, after I dried my eyes from laughing so hard, I started to wonder.

What am I getting into?

I know there a lot of moms out there. And dads. And people who are smarter than me. How about it? Care to fill a clueless mom-to-be in on the other joys of babydom that no one is telling me? What other ways is poop going to become very very frightening? And possibly mobile?

Let me in on the secrets. I can take it. I need to know about the poo.