She's so sensitive

If you prick me, do I not bleed?

If you simply look at me, do I not melt into a puddle of tears and insecurity?

If I close my eyes to sleep, do I not have terrifying nightmares?

I stare at this screen, wondering just what will come out if I allow myself to just type. Just type it all out and watch the words fall letter by letter.

And then I realize that I don't want to have to read it after I write it.

Sometimes I let it all get to me. Small things. Things out of place. Things I read in between the lines. Things that aren't the way I think they should be.

My Sil told me once that I hold people to high expectations. Make that my expectations. As in, I expect them to react the same way I would in certain situations. And then I get unjustifiably disappointed. She is right.

I think about that a lot now. When I get my feelings hurt, I think about it.

But these days, I don't think that's always the case. I think maybe I got hurt and blamed myself a little too quickly.

I find though, that I would rather just be hurt than do anything about it. Sometimes it's just easier.

And then, one morning I will wake up and wonder where exactly that friend went. When did they disappear? When exactly did it happen that I would put those memories in the trash and move on? And when exactly did I decide that it was better to just stay quiet, let someone hurt me, and cast my eyes downward until the tears won't slip out unexpected anymore?

People think I'm strong.

Those are the people who would be wrong.