Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Bird's got a nanny

I have to start teaching again next week. It's time. I'm more ready now than I was a couple of weeks ago, but there's part of me that's still a little sad.

We hired a nanny for Bird for the afternoons. She is a senior in high school and started with us yesterday. I wanted a week with her when I wasn't teaching to get to know her better and be available to answer questions or what not.

Yesterday? Bird didn't cry at all. Until Nanny handed him back to me right before she left.

I've got to learn how to not take things like that personally.

Today, he did cry with her some. And I felt better. Because he cries with me a lot. I know that I try to get too much done when it's just me and him, but I can't help it. Sometimes, I have to put him down to pump. It's just time to do it, and I don't have a choice. Sometimes, I have to fix myself some lunch, and I have to put him down if I'm at the stove or oven. Sometimes, I have to pee, and I have to put him down to wash my hands. It happens.

Nanny's sole responsibility is Christopher though. He has one person in his life that when she is with him, the only thing she has to do is take care of him.

And I find myself wondering how I missed that the first 6 weeks of his life.

Every thank you note I wrote. Every meal I cooked. Every load of laundry I did. Every shower I took. Every blog I read. Time away from Bird. What was I doing?

I had these 6 weeks with Bird where no one expected anything of me except to take care of him, and I'm so damn restless that I found 100 other things to do. So typical.

The nanny is lucky. She is lucky to just get to focus on him. To watch him so carefully that she feeds him before he cries. She has time to sit and rock him and then let him just sleep in her lap.

I'm jealous of the nanny. I will miss the naps and the playtime and the dancing whenever we felt like it. I'm a little jealous.

However, at the end of the day, Nanny has to go home, and Christopher stays right here with me. Because I am his mom.

Stepping back, I think that makes me the lucky one.

11 comments:

  1. Yeah, I know a girl who nannies (has no kids of her own). She likes to talk about how caring for kids is easy. It's sooo annoying, because any mom has many, many more duties than just straight childcare. I guess this girl I know will just figure that out the hard way when/if she has a baby of her own.

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  2. Definitely the "Lucky One"! I missed that moment too. I look back and wish I'd slowed down alot more those weeks at home.

    Love ya!

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  3. Oh, that jealousy; I know it well.

    And it's just the beginning, love, just the beginning of this crazy path called motherhood.

    So glad you are willing to share the journey.

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  4. You're right - you are the lucky one. In the middle of the night, you're the one watching him sleep. Not the nanny. When he gets older and cries.. he'll want his MOMMY, not the nanny.

    You are very lucky. And he is very lucky to have you too.

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  5. You are most certainly the lucky one...Bird is YOURS.
    I know that kind of jealousy well, though.
    Also: you're human and will, from now until the end of time, ALWAYS have 100 other things to do at any given moment.
    You can forget about having time to pee. Go get yerself some adult diapers. (I kid. Mostly.)

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  6. You are definately the lucky one! I blew through the first 6 weeks with Liv too, and though I got to stay home with her, I always felt the need to be doing some other thing that HAD to be done!

    (((HUGS)))

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  7. It's impossible to spend every minute with the baby, even if it is your primary job. Darn that laundry, cooking and peeing :(

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  8. You are definitely the "lucky one." We don't have a nanny, because Emily goes to day care, but I've noticed what you've noticed with my parents. When Emily is there she is so happy. They have taken the whole day off to play with her. While I want to do that, I just can't. But it always make me happy when I can take Emily back home with me.

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  9. Lucky Mamma!

    Bird is lucky too because now he has one more person in his life to care for him...makes for a really strong birdie!

    hugs.

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  10. I am also jealous of my daycare lady. She gets to hang out with Prayse every day!! I only get the weeknights and weekends.

    But being "Mama" tops it all!

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  11. You are the lucky one. I've done both roles, being a nanny is harder than people think. It's hard falling in love with something so beautiful, as one must do to fill that role and the needs of the children in their care to the fullest, and then "turn it off" when it's time to leave.

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