Thursday, March 27, 2008

Two months

Yesterday Christopher turned two months old. In a way it seems like he has been here forever. In another way it seems as though I still have no idea what to do with him.

There are still days that I do nothing that doesn't involve him. Nurse him. Change him. Hold him. Stare at him while he sleeps. The miraculousness of it all has certainly not worn off yet.

Then there are days that I relish in the time the nanny is here. If I'm not teaching while she is here, it becomes a delightful challenge to see just how much I can get done in the moments that she is looking after Bird. Dinner is down to a science, and loading the dishwasher takes all of about 45 seconds now. It's a game.

At his two month checkup yesterday, the PA said he was gaining weight just beautifully. He's growing just fine she said. She also said that she didn't think I needed to be using formula. She thinks I need to cut the dairy out to help his gas, and that way, he will be able to stay at the breast long enough to get full without thrashing about and mutilating my nipples.

I cannot describe to you how much dairy I eat. Cheese and I are best friends, as is the big glass of milk I drink before dinner every night.

However, I chose this PA because she is also a lactation consultant, and I'm choosing to listen to her. Besides, I really should cut out the ice cream and it certainly won't hurt my waistline to cut the cheese and milk.

We went ahead and got his two month vaccinations on schedule. With the traveling we expect to be doing for Guy's job, it is important that Christopher be vaccinated on schedule.

I knew that I would cry when they gave him his shots. I just didn't know I would cry before they gave him his shots.

The needles were so big, and he was so happy before she stuck his little leg with them. He was having a great time kickypantsing on the table, making the paper rattle. His eyes were wide and he was all grins.

Then she stuck him.

He looked stunned. Then she stuck him again. He looked up into my eyes, turned purple, jutted out his bottom lip, and began to scream.

I was already crying by then, so when the nurse was done, Bird and I just held onto each other and cried.

Yesterday and today he has had a low grade fever, tons of gas, and been generally feeling miserable. Somehow he still manages to smile at me some. I can tell he feels badly, but he still is cracking a grin or two every now and then. Tonight, he gave his Papa big full face grins for the first time. You could see a little puddle on the floor where Papa's heart had just melted.

Two months and it's all starting to feel real finally. I don't feel like I'm just getting through minute by minute or hour by hour anymore. This feels like my life. I'm not sure if that makes sense or not. What I mean is that at the beginning, it felt like I was just going through the motions, trying to make it from one moment to the next. Now, though, it feels more a little more comfortable. More normal.

I have a hard time remembering life without Guy and Christopher. I know it happened. I know there was another life before then. Another marriage. Another possible ending. That otherness is what doesn't feel real anymore.

I was made to be Bird's mom and Guy's wife. I think I've known that for longer than two months, but these past two months have certainly solidified it for me.

17 comments:

  1. ImpostorMom7:26 AM

    Oh those first shots are terribly hard. We are approaching the 15 month ones and I hear that's the last until 4 years old.

    I remember that look of shock on Boog's face like it was yesterday. The shock of it all followed by the crying. Poor Bird, luckily he's already forgotten.

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  2. What a lovely post. And I know you have had some hard times breast-feeding, but when my kids were babies, I would feed them WHILE the nurse was giving them the shots. I got them latched on, then when the nurse stuck them, there was a second of stillness, but they were usually too busy eating to get very upset. If I couldn't nurse them WHILE they were getting shots, I nursed them immediately after--I just sat in the exam room for an extra 15 minutes or so. Just an idea...

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  3. I was just saying that same thing to my husband, that I don't remember him or The Poo not being in my world. Being my whole world.

    So glad to hear things are getting easier for you and the bird. The two month mark is a big deal, for you both.

    Blessings to you!

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  4. Happy two months little guy! Those shots suck. :(

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  5. Beautiful. Way to go, Mom!

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  6. look at that handsome laddie...i just wanna hug that boy!

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  7. Yay for a great 2 month checkup and not needing formula! Shots are hard on both baby and mama! (((HUGS)))

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  8. He's lovely.

    Shots suck :(

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  9. He's lovely! :)

    Shots do stink. :(

    It took me several months before I realized that no one was going to come get Miss Bee. There was a surealness to everything. Then one day it all clicked. Now...it's something new every single day. Goodtimes!

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  10. Believe it or not, the shots seem to get easier as time goes on. Brady didn't even cry at his last two vaccinations (...um and neither did I).
    Congrats on a happy and healthy two months Mama and Lil Bird!

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  11. YEA!!!

    So glad to hear it's starting to come together! It's wonderful, isn't it??

    You are still doing awesome, you!!!

    (I have to admit that I did giggle just a bit when I read "cut the cheese" tee hee - hey! it's late and I amuse easily :p)

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  12. Canape,
    Congratulations on making through the worst of new motherhood into the Months Of Joy. I loved this age in my babies.

    I haven't had time to read the other posts but I'll offer the advice of giving Bird Tylenol before a visit that includes shots. All the better to be proactive in the pain management dept.

    I feel for you on the no dairy issue. My BFF had to completely eliminate it for both of her babies. But it really does help. Your a better Mom than I am... I fear I would never have given up ice cream for bfing...

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  13. Poots are natural. And fun at parties. Dairy onward I say!

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  14. Oh, he is so beautiful.

    The shots! That is so hard! Poor little baby.

    And you? Giving up cheese. That is sacrificial love right there.

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  15. My daughter had terrible gas and was miserable with it. I started giving her the infant gas drops on the advice of my pediatrician.

    The two upsides to this was first, it really helped her gas. Second, she's so used to taking meds from a dropper that I have no problem giving her Infant Tylenol when she's feeling crappy after getting her shots.

    p.s Milk is one of my best friends. Get the drops, keep the milk! :)

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  16. "I was made to be Bird's mom and Guy's wife."

    Some people wait a lifetime to find that. I'm really glad you didn't.

    I have happy tears in my eyes. Awesome post.

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  17. Two months? Wow. Unbelievable.

    Shots stink. We have 9 month shots in a few weeks, I am not looking forward to it.

    We had to give up dairy when P was young. It is tough to do, but I found it was worth it. Prayse went from gassy all the time to very limited. She was a whole new baby!

    When you do some research you'll find that there is very little you'll miss. Rice cheese is yummy, Lactaid milk although expensive tastes like the real thing, Breyers has a very good French Vanilla ice cream that is lactose free...

    Just my opinion :)

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