Sunday, May 27, 2007

Handing the control freak her notice

We have been on the couch all day long. Except when I've been in the bathroom. Between my stomach and my sinuses, all forces are trying hard to get me to complain, but they can bite my ass. Not going to happen. I'm too fortunate right now.

Guy and I have snuggled with each other and a couple of pups. We have watched a few movies, answered a few phone calls.

My Bro called today. He wanted to know when I was going to the doctor. June 12. June 12 will be the day of the "nurse talk" and the first ultrasound. It is the same timing as the last one. He asked me if I could call them and tell them that I was anxious and wanted to go in sooner. I could. The doctor offered that when she saw me after the miscarriage. She said I could come in early "to ease my mind."

The thing is, I'm not anxious. And I'm not being perfect either. Diet Coke with Splenda? Still on the agenda. Feta cheese? On all of my salads. Joined a prenatal yoga class? Nope. I like my old one for right now, thank you.

You see, trying to be perfect got me nowhere last time. What it got me this time was peace of mind. There are odds and chances that exist. Odds in getting pregnant. Odds in staying pregnant. Odds in healthy children.

For months, I killed myself with those odds. Playing the numbers. Losing hand after hand.

And now? I'll take my terrible sinuses and rejection of food and relax. This control freak is taking some time off.