Remembrance

Today, my friend Amy reminded me that we were all finding out we were pregnant this time last year. She and I dropped out of the July babies group, but are both expecting again. Her little Turkey is almost done baking, and should be here by Thanksgiving. We are both having boys, and have excellent taste in names, in my opinion (just a little teaser for her).

Yesterday, as I sat in the waiting room during one stage of the glucose test, for some reason, my mind wandered back to the day I had to have my follow up appointment after the miscarriage.

And as I sat there, hyped up on sugar, holding a bag of free formula, and grooving to the latest riverdance in my belly, I cried.

I realized though, that it isn't the desperate, heart breaking, I-will-never-get-over-this, kind of pain any longer.

It is just the pain of missing someone I loved that is gone. Tears over remembering how completely devastated I was to be empty. To have lost that little life. Tears of remembrance.

These next couple of months will be strange. There will be so many milestones to cross, all while my belly (and hopefully not my boobs) continues to grow. We will pass by anniversaries and create new ones, all at the same time.

And that, I think, is what life really boils down to. Remembering to remember and not forgetting to move on.