Thursday, November 01, 2007

Remembrance

Today, my friend Amy reminded me that we were all finding out we were pregnant this time last year. She and I dropped out of the July babies group, but are both expecting again. Her little Turkey is almost done baking, and should be here by Thanksgiving. We are both having boys, and have excellent taste in names, in my opinion (just a little teaser for her).

Yesterday, as I sat in the waiting room during one stage of the glucose test, for some reason, my mind wandered back to the day I had to have my follow up appointment after the miscarriage.

And as I sat there, hyped up on sugar, holding a bag of free formula, and grooving to the latest riverdance in my belly, I cried.

I realized though, that it isn't the desperate, heart breaking, I-will-never-get-over-this, kind of pain any longer.

It is just the pain of missing someone I loved that is gone. Tears over remembering how completely devastated I was to be empty. To have lost that little life. Tears of remembrance.

These next couple of months will be strange. There will be so many milestones to cross, all while my belly (and hopefully not my boobs) continues to grow. We will pass by anniversaries and create new ones, all at the same time.

And that, I think, is what life really boils down to. Remembering to remember and not forgetting to move on.

12 comments:

  1. WHymommy9:44 PM

    Nicely done. And don't forget to talk too.

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  2. I had my own remembrance this week. I haven't shared it with anyone, but here I am....

    My Boo's birthday was on Saturday. 27th October. While we were trying for him we lost many along the way, but the hardest was due 28 October the year before. I have a constant reminder of this child, I got my ears pierced and have the birthstone earrings. Everyone thinks it is for Boo and his sister Moo (born the day before 26/10/91) but only I, and now you, know who it is really for.
    The pain is still there, but it is more a bittersweet pain. Not the aching sick-to-my-stomach pain it was before. I touch my ears and think of the children we lost and then celebrate the ones we have.

    .....well maybe not today. You want 3 slightly used kids?

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  3. I can't seem to say what I want to say, so I'll just say this--beautiful post.

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  4. ohhh and I cry.... because you are so right.

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  5. Well you know how I feel.... bceause I am tripping over my words these days. I will leave it at that.

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  6. Very well put.

    By the way, in my file of perfect things to say to people I keep a quote from you (actually your husband) that you posted in someone's remarks. "You will be sad forever - just not every moment of forever."

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  7. Sending all my love to you, my friend.

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  8. I've tried writing a comment as heartfelt as this post, but it keeps coming out as, "blah, blah, blah, I should just shut up now." So I'll just say this, thank you for sharing this post.

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  9. You are such a beautiful person inside and out. I love reading what you write. I am blessed to have met you.

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  10. Jenn - NMD9:28 PM

    Amen. That was beautiful.

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  11. Wonderful post.

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