Sunday, March 11, 2007

Coming up for air

Apologies. Friday was what you call a bad day. A really bad day. On top of not feeling good physically.

Thank you for the kind words. I am grateful, but also slightly embarrassed that I needed them.

Therapy is hard. In order to be able to work through all the thoughts I was having Friday, I have to be able to say them. In order to say them, I have to stop crying long enough to speak.

And breathe.

Most days are better than that one. I often think to myself that I should step away from the keyboard if I'm starting a third glass of wine, but there was no wine that night. Just a no good awful crummy sucky day.

There are these places we go. Places that we shouldn't go. Places that are way low down and are where we can think destructive thoughts. I don't want to go there, but sometimes I look up and I'm there already. I don't even know how I got there.

I started climbing out yesterday, and today, I woke up and squinted at the light again.
It would be nice to not go back down there, but I'm not sure I can promise myself that yet. I can promise myself to keep climbing out again. And again.