Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Y2K Larry

We bought a shell of a house. It had new paint.

Were you expecting more? A list of other great new things about the house? So sorry to disappoint. We truly think that the last family sold the house because they didn't want to fix anything. Except with duct tape.

Any repair or "home improvement" that we have found (excluding those with done with duct tape) was done by the owner previous to the previous owner.

It turns out that one of my students knows this previous squared owner. His mom mentioned to me that they were a quirky family.

"Do you know why the fence closest to the street is so much taller than the rest of the fence in the backyard?" she says.

"Nooooo. . ." I say.

She smiles just enough to let me know that she isn't allowed to make fun of him, but wait for it: "Y2K."

"What?" I ask.

"Larry was very prepared for Y2K, and he didn't want the neighbors to see his stash." she says.

Oh. my.

Thank god we now have an explanation for it all.

Why are there three sheds out back? Y2K Larry.

Why are the electrical outlets in the upstairs bathroom tied to the same line as the washing machine downstairs? Y2K Larry.

Why are the tub spouts a full 3 inches higher than that drains allow, causing them to leak, causing us to have to replace them and the tiles surrounding the spouts? Y2K Larry.

Why is the floor in the kitchen an extra inch taller than all other floors? Y2K Larry.

Why is there a steampipe fitting in the half bath for a little tiny sink? Y2K Larry.

Why, in the attic filled with blown insulation making it look like the battlefield of some savage stuffed animal war, are there live wires buried in the carnage? Live wires that could have killed my Guy, but managed to only make him smell of burnt hair for a day? Why? Y2K Larry.

"Don't worry about that live wire, honey, the RAPTURE is coming!!!" Y2K Larry.

WHY OH WHY2K Larry. Indeed.